do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
