How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
