so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
