Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
