hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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