I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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