well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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