life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
