I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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