I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
