That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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