I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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