Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
