It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
