clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want a musical about memes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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