come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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