Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
