So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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