Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
