office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My penis needs a shock collar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
