Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
