erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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