Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
