I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
