I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
