Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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