6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
