well you can't waste a boner
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
