I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
