ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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