She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
