One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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