And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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