the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
