I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
