Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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