If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
