I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
