You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
