About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
