my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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