Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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