I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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