It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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