u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fill condoms, not promises.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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