i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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