Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
