She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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