We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
