I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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