So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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