i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
