Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
