Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
