I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
